Last week, we talked about self-compassion and why your relationship with yourself should come before your relationship status. This week, we’re talking about something that can make dating feel surprisingly complicated: figuring out what you’re actually looking for.
Dating today doesn’t come with a universal rulebook. Some people are looking for a long-term relationship. Some want to meet new people and keep things casual. Some are interested in hookups. Others are open to seeing where things go.
None of these approaches are inherently right or wrong—but knowing what you want can save you a lot of confusion, frustration, and mixed signals down the road. Before you start swiping, flirting, or planning your next date, take a moment to ask yourself: What are we looking for here?
Different Types of Relationships
Hookups – A hookup is typically focused on physical or sexual connection without the expectation of dating or building a romantic relationship. The people involved may enjoy spending time together in intimate ways, but they’re generally not looking for commitment, exclusivity, or a deeper emotional connection.
Casual Dating – Casual dating usually involves spending time together, going on dates, and getting to know one another without the expectation of a serious commitment. People in casual dating relationships may still be exploring their options, dating other people, or deciding whether they want something more long-term. The key to casual dating is honesty. If you’re seeing multiple people or aren’t interested in exclusivity, everyone involved deserves to know what expectations are on the table.
Serious Dating – Serious dating involves a mutual decision to pursue a committed romantic relationship. This often includes exclusivity, deeper emotional investment, and conversations about future goals, values, and compatibility. Serious relationships can look different for different people, but the foundation is usually a shared understanding that both people are intentionally building something together.
Situationships – A situationship exists somewhere between casual dating and a defined relationship. You may spend a lot of time together, go on dates, talk regularly, hook up, or even develop strong feelings for one another—but there isn’t a clear label or agreement about what the relationship is. Situationships aren’t automatically unhealthy. For some people, they work well. Problems tend to arise when one person wants more clarity, commitment, or exclusivity than the other. When expectations aren’t communicated, confusion can quickly take over.
The truth is that there’s no “correct” relationship style. What’s most important isn’t whether you’re dating casually, seriously, or somewhere in between. It’s that the people involved understand what the relationship is, what they want from it, and whether those expectations align. Dating gets a lot less confusing when you’re honest with yourself about what you want. Before you start dating this summer, ask yourself:
- Do I want something short-term or long-term?
- Am I looking for commitment right now?
- Do I want to date one person or keep my options open?
- Am I comfortable if the other person is dating multiple people?
- Do I want an emotional connection, a physical connection, or both?
- Do I hope this relationship lasts beyond the summer?
- What would a positive dating experience look like for me?
Sometimes you’ll meet someone you genuinely like, only to discover that they want something very different from what you want. Maybe you’re looking for commitment, and they want something casual. Maybe you’re looking for something casual, and they want exclusivity. Maybe you want clarity, and they want to “go with the flow.” When this happens, it can be tempting to convince yourself you’re okay with something that doesn’t actually meet your needs. We sometimes change our expectations in hopes of keeping a connection alive.
But remember what we talked about last week: your relationship with yourself comes first. A healthy relationship shouldn’t require you to abandon your needs, values, or boundaries. While every relationship involves compromise, consistently ignoring what you want can leave you feeling confused, anxious, disconnected from yourself, or stuck hoping someone will eventually change their mind. The right relationship won’t leave you constantly questioning where you stand. It should make you feel respected, valued, and able to be honest about what you’re looking for.
This summer, don’t just ask, “Do they like me?” Ask yourself: “Do I like the way I feel when I’m with them?”
Next week, we’ll talk about what happens after you’ve figured out what you’re looking for: how to communicate your needs, set expectations, and have healthier conversations in your relationships.
Leave A Comment